The Myth of College
Many of you ‵young persons out there｜are ‵seriously thinking about going to college. That is, of course, a lie. The ‵only thing you young persons think seriously about｜are ‵loud music and freedom. Trust me: these are ‵closely related to college.
College is ‵basically a bunch of rooms｜where you sit for roughly two thousand hours｜and try to memorize things. The ‵two thousand hours are spread out over four years; you spend the rest of the time ‵sleeping｜and trying to get dates. Basically, you learn two kinds of things in college:
Things you ‵need to know in later life｜(2 hours). These ‵include｜how to make collect telephone calls｜and get beer｜and crepe-paper stains out of your pajamas.
Things you will｜ ‵not need to know in later life (1,998 hours). These are the things you learn in classes｜whose names end in-ology, -osophy, -istry, -ics, and ‵so on. The idea｜is you ‵memorize these things, write them down on paper｜and then ‵forget them. If you fail to forget them, you become a ‵professor｜and have to stay in college｜for the rest of your life.
‵After you’ve been in college for a year or so, you’re supposed to choose a major, which is the subject you ‵intend to memorize｜and forget the most things about. Here is a ‵very important piece of advice: be sure｜to choose a major｜that does not involve Known Facts｜and Right Answers.
This ‵means｜that you must not major in mathematics, physics, biology or chemistry, because these subjects｜involve actual facts. If, for example, you major in‵mathematics, you’re going to wander into class one day｜and the professor will say: ① “Define the cosine integer｜of the quadrant of the rhomboid ‵binary axis, and extrapolate your result to five significant vertices.” If you don’t come up with ‵exactly the answer｜the professor has in mind, you fail. The ‵same is true of chemistry: if you write in your exam book｜that carbon and hydrogen ‵combine to form oak, your professor will flunk you.
So you should major in subjects like｜ ‵literature, philosophy, psychology and sociology — subjects in which nobody ‵really understands what anybody else is talking about, and which involve｜ ‵virtually no facts. [377 words]
译韵袅袅
大学的传说
许多还未走进大学校门的年轻人都说想上大学。其实那都是谎话。你们年轻人真正想要的无非是听震耳欲聋的音乐和自由。相信我，这两件事和大学生活是密不可分的。
大学就是一间间的教室。你在里面要坐上2000个小时，并试图记住一些东西。这2000个小时被分散在四个年头里，剩余的时间就用来睡觉和约会。在大学里，基本上你可以学会两类知识。
一类是后半生都要了解的(2小时)，包括如何打对方付费电话，如何洗去睡衣上的啤酒和彩纸留下的污垢。
另一类知识是你今后都不会再用到的知识(1998小时)。这些就是你在课堂上学会的各种各样的“学”。你背下这些东西，然后把它们写在一张小小的试卷上，然后忘得一干二净。要是你总是记着这些东西，你就只好当老师，后半辈子就呆在学校里吧。
进入大学一年以后，你要选专业了。所谓专业就是一个背的最多但又会忘得最干净的科目。这里给你一条非常重要的建议：记住不要选那些涉及已知事实或有标准答案的学科。
这就是说你不要选数学、物理、生物、化学，因为这些学科都涉及已知事实。例如，你主修数学，一天，你闲逛着走进教室，老师说：①“请定义菱形二元坐标象限的余弦积分，并将结果推广到五个有效顶点的情形。”如果你得不出与老师相同的答案，你过不了关。化学也是如此。如果你在试卷上写碳和氢合成橡树，老师肯定给你不及格。
因此，你最好学诸如文学、哲学、心理学、社会学之类科目——这些学科都是自说自话，别人不知道你在讲什么，并且也不涉及根本性的事实。
词汇露珠
collect telephone call 对方付费电话
pajamas // n.睡衣，宽长裤
the cosine integer 余弦积分
quadrant // n.象限
the rhomboid binary axis 菱形二元坐标
extrapolate // v.推广，推断
oak // n.橡树，橡木
flunk // vt.使不及格
佳句如风
①【赏析】句子中的wander的含义是“无目的的，或无固定路线的到处漂荡”，突出作者那种玩世不恭的语气。wander常与in，off连用。
【临摹】During the storm the ship wandered off its course.船在风暴中偏离了航道。
每日口语
A: I can’t believe the holidays are ending soon!
简直不能相信，假期就要结束了！
B: Yeah, I don’t want to go back to the salt mines!
是啊，我真不愿回到讨厌的学校去！
本文摘自长喜英语系列丛书之“晨读 最新主题美文100篇”书籍！图书详细介绍及订购参考本网站“大学图书互动——阅读类图书学习互动”栏目！ |
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